


feelings of a heart

by imnotanironwall



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Friendship, Nonbinary Character, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 03:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20220814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotanironwall/pseuds/imnotanironwall
Summary: What's better than a day at the beach with friends to learn more about oneself?





	feelings of a heart

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This drabble being about discovering one's nonbinary identity, a good portion of the drabble use she/her pronouns before switching to they/them.

Heavy wind runs through her hair, ruffling her black locks and grazing her reddening skin. She buries her feet into the warm sand and brushes away the sweat sliding down her temples. The sea is wonderful, the day is hot and the sun feels good against her skin, too accustomed to the odd day-cycle of Twilight Town. 

Xion sighs. She should be enjoying the trip to the beach more, it's not every day they get to all have the same day off and relax. And it's not like she doesn't want to, she_ does_, desperately so. But there is something amiss. Something... weird about her. And she can't quite pinpoint what exactly. 

She looks down at her still clothed self, envious eyes furtively glancing at her best friends' bare torsos. It has been on her mind for a few days now, that_ jealousy_. She doesn't understand why, but it bothers her; both the discomfort she's feeling and the dark desires boiling deep in her heart. 

She sighs again, fingers playing with the hem of her dress, eyes cast downwards to her hands. Too smooth, too delicate. And yet, when she looks at Olette sleeping next to her, she can't help herself but envy the curves of her body, her long painted nails, the nice flow of her hair, the way her swimsuit clings to her. _ This is nice too_, she thinks. 

The ruffle of a plastic bag startles her out of her reverie, her hands gripping tightly at her cloth, seconds away from summoning her keyblade. She relaxes when familiar blue hair slides in her field of vision, an ice cream directed towards her. 

"Oh." She takes it, eyes cast to the already melting popsicle. "Thank you." 

Isa _hmms_, mouth full with his own sea salt treat. He sits next to her on Lea's bright red towel, the color clashing with his deep blue swimsuit. She smiles. The two of them have come a long way. They've learned to accept each other differences and past mistakes, to forgive. 

She sighs again, biting into the cold ice cream before casting her gaze to her silly friends swimming farther away, carefree, happy. With knowledge of the world she does not yet have, without any question about their own identity - not now, not anymore. 

"Can I ask you something?" she eventually says, breaking the silence between them. 

"Of course."

She takes a deep breath, casting a quick glance around to make sure no one listens to them, before she whispers, "how did you know you were a man?" 

The look of utter surprise on his face is not exactly what she was waiting for, but he may not have expected that she knew. He presses a hand to his bare chest where fading red scars hide under his pectorals. He unconsciously rubs a finger along one, seemingly self-conscious for a minute before he raises his head toward the sea. He breathes out.

"Not being one didn't feel right. I wanted what Lea had and rejected everything given to me at birth.” He stops, catching himself rubbing at old scars. “It was a long process but I learned to accept some things while I gave up some others to become the me I always wished to be." He says, gazing at Lea with a smile, surely lost in fond memories of their childhood. 

Xion, instead, lowers her eyes. That did sound true to how she felt. She doesn't feel exactly like a girl. But she doesn't feel like a boy either, which is the part that confuses her. 

She knows what being both is. She was Sora. She was Kairi. And yet, both never felt right. Deep inside, she knew she couldn't be them, she couldn't be like them. She had always wanted to be her own person and yet she doesn't know who, _ what_ she is now. 

"But you don't have to be one or the other," Isa adds, a smile on his lips. He isn't looking at Xion, but it's like his eyes had pierced through her heart and seen her true self, like he had read the worries hidden in her head. "We had a friend, when we were younger, who did not identify with those two genders. They were neither a boy nor a girl, but that didn't make them any less _them_. They also didn't care about gender norms, and that helped me a lot to overcome some of my own difficulties with my body." 

_ They_. That sounded… better. It sounded great actually. 

Xion inhaled deeply, taking in that word and newly acquired knowledge. Maybe it was just the thing _they _needed. They didn't need to be Sora or Kairi or a lookalike. Someone made from them, their clone, no identity of their own. Not a mere puppet. They could be _them_. They could be _Xion_.

"I-" Xion starts, their voice but a whisper lost in the wind. Isa looks at them, a rare encouraging smile on his mouth. "I like that. A lot." They admit, staring at their hands folded on their legs. Too smooth, too delicate, _ theirs_ nonetheless. 

Their lips split into a large grin and they laugh, loudly and incomprehensibly, relief flooding through their body in waves. They lay on the sand, not caring about anything but how _free _they feel.

They feel a hand creep into theirs, and it's soft too. It squeezes theirs and, when Xion looks at the owner, they only see Olette smiling, not even looking at them, understanding and accepting without a word. Xion laughs again. 

They can be their own self. And regardless of how long they take to figure out exactly who they are, they have friends who love them. And really, it's all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> Gender is, confusing... And I've struggled a lot with this in the past, so I wanted to write a little something about learning about nonbinary people. And while I love Xion in canon, NB Xion is just as wholesome. 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/imnotanironwall)


End file.
